The last article I wrote discussed the phrase the saying “I love you but I’m not in love with you” and how it’s something I hear a fair bit whilst couples counselling. I talked about how it’s a pretty normal feeling and not an indication that you should chuck your current partner and go find a new one. In this article I am going to discuss one way of creating a more conscious relationship with your partner so you can realise deep love.
Speaking each others love language
One way I show my partner I love and care for her is by cooking. For me, the act of taking care of her in this way is one way of saying “I love you”. But there’s a problem with this. I see the plate of food as an overture of my affection and she sees lasagne. I’m not speaking her love language. We all have love buttons that when pressed give us that feeling of being loved. It’s important for us to tell our partner what they are.
There is a small hurdle to get over but it’s easily crossed. This hurdle takes the form of “I shouldn’t need to tell you how to show love to me, if you loved me you would know”. Now I’m pretty sure that there are very few people on this planet that have the ability to mind read. Why would we expect our partners to know every way in which we feel loved? It goes back to that old chestnut of asking for what you want, a skill so simple and so under used it’s almost criminal! Just because your partner can’t guess your love language it doesn’t mean they love you any less, it just means they’re human.
So sit down with your partner and have a discussion about what you both need to feel loved. It may be simple things like a cup of tea, a bunch of flowers now and again or a foot rub. Maybe it will involve events like weekends away or meals out. It could even be a hug when you first meet up after a busy day or a text here and there describing your loving feelings towards your partner.
By carrying out these behaviours in a conscious way, you and your partner will be pressing each others love buttons. The connection between you will deepen and grow resulting in that “in love” feeling returning in a more secure, contented way.
Give it a go and come back to this article and comment. What did you do and did it work?