Manchester Psychotherapy

Counselling in Manchester

Work Place Stress And The Difference Between Men And Women

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work place stressStressed at work?

A report by Chartered Counselling Psychologist, Dr Kevin Wright which was presented at the 17th Annual BACP Research Conference in Liverpool, on 6-7 May 2011 has suggested that men and women react to work place stress in different ways. This does not surprise me at all. It’s interesting to me how men and women differ in their approach to life and their response to therapy.

Wright has found that men have more stress than women and deal with it very differently. Men tend to take less days off but turn up to work when they are not well enough to do their jobs and put in a poor effort as a result.

How does the report say men and women cope with stress? Again, no big surpises. Men tend to either go seek help and deal with it (by finding a counsellor for example) or do nothing at all and attempt to deal with their negative feelings by drinking and crossing their fingers that things will get better. Women are more likely to deal with the stress by shouting at their partner or work colleagues or by becoming depressed. Women are better at getting help from friends and family than men, who tend not to talk to people close to them.

So what can we learn from this report? Well, many of the findings are not surprising. That women are less stressed than men may also be linked to the finding that part time staff are less stressed than full time staff and more women are part time. There must be a link between women sharing their problems with their friends and family and men bottling it all up.
Here are some suggestions for both sexes that I am making from information in the report and from my experience as a therapist:

Men:

  • Feel your feelings. Allow yourself to get in touch with your feelings and express them.
  • Talk to your nearest and dearest about how you feel.
  • Take time off work if you need it – no point in “being strong” and paying the price later by having a breakdown or being off for long periods of time. Take a day off, look after yourself and go back to work when you feel able to be productive.
  • If you feel yourself struggling, get help. The answer will not be found in the bottom of a pint glass. Counsellors and therapists are trained to help you so use them just as you would a doctor if you had broken your leg.

 

Women:

  • Explain to your partner what you are feeling and talk things through rather than shouting.
  • Seek professional help. Friends are a great source of support and if you need further help don’t feel bad about getting support from a therapist or counsellor. Counsellors are trained to help and take a very different approach to friends. You may find this alternative source of support very useful.
  • Look after your man – he is likely to suffer from stress more severely than you!

These are just a few suggestions and I am very interested in hearing what you have to say about how you deal with stress and your experiences with stress. Just write your ideas in the box below.

To read the full article check out: http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/224521.php

Image: koratmember / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

5 Ways To Cope With Grief

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5 ways to cope with griefIn the last article I looked at the five stages of grief . I stated that we feel grief at all sorts of times in our lives, not just when a loved one has died. I find that grief is one of the most common issues that clients have to deal with. In this article I will outline some simple strategies that may help the grieving process.

Accept your feelings. This is a key strategy when we grieve. If we allow ourselves to feel the pain and the sadness and don’t try to avoid it or push it away then the grieving process will run its course and allow you to heal as it is intended to do.

Do something physical. Whether it is a slow walk in the park or a fast bout of circuit training at the local gym, exercise can help you move through the myriad of feelings you are having. Your endorphin levels in your blood will rise and a happier mood will probably arise. Exercise also usually involves getting yourself outside too. Being in the fresh air can work wonders for your mood at times (as I type this it’s chucking it down outside, another rainy day in Manchester, so I’m aware that going outside isn’t always a mood lift!)

Tidy up. Again, this may well be about getting yourself physically active and making changes in your surroundings. Moving furniture, having a sort out and decluttering can all make the space you inhabit seem more your own. This can lead to help feelings of control come back into your life.

Talk to friends. You may want to talk to them about the loss that you have experienced or you may want to talk about anything but the loss. Do your friends a favour and give them a heads up about what you do want to talk about and how you want them to be. They may be anxious about talking about your loss so reassure them that it’s ok and it’s what you need or let them know that you are talking to them to take your mind off the situation for a while. Just simple statements like “Hi Bob, I really have the need to talk about losing Jenny right now, would you be willing to listen for five minutes? I don’t need you to try to make me feel better, just a listening ear would be great” will reassure your friend and may result in a more useful conversation for you. It goes without saying that some friends will respond better than others, you will know which ones to pick to get what you need.

Get help from a therapist. Us therapists are trained to help you with your grief. We can’t wave a magic wand and make it go away but we can sit with you and guide you through it. Not everyone will need a therapist to do this but if you are finding things really tough then it may be a good idea to book in with one and see if it helps.  If you are interested in working with me, just use the contact form above or phone me on 07966 390857.

All of the strategies above are different ways to manage your grieving process. You may want to use all or none of them. The most important thing is that you give yourself permission to grieve. By doing this you will release the energy stuck in your grieving process so it can be put into having a full life when you are ready.

The 5 Stages Of Grief

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5 Stages of grief and grieving manchester psychotherapyGrief is a common issue facing clients but it’s not reserved just for those that have had someone close to them die. Why is grief such a common issue? This article aims to answer this question and explain the stages of grief. My next article will give some suggestions for dealing with grief.

We can lose someone close to us in all sorts of different ways. People don’t need to die on us for us to feel their absence. Often during the therapeutic process it’s important to grieve the loss of an ideal that we have held close and thought essential. It hurts when we finally realise that the relationship we had with our parents was not perfect, or that they did not look after us the way they should have done, the way any small child deserves to be looked after. It hurts when we realise that our partner letting us down has destroyed our idea of what an intimate relationship should be like. Giving ourselves permission to grieve these losses is an important step in realising our full potential in the here and now.

The stages of grief are well documented in relation to death. Kubler-Ross proposed that there are five stages of grief that people go through. In this post I will briefly discuss these stages. It’s important to appreciate that the stages outlined below are not fixed in stone and it may be that you experience them in a different order or not even experience certain stages at all. There is no normal with so much of the human psyche, we do what we do and that’s ok.

Stage 1 – Denial, shock and disbelief

When you first realise your loss you may completely deny that you have lost anything at all. You may be so amazed with the realisation that it’s hard for you to get your head round it. When you discuss your childhood with a therapist it’s not uncommon to discover that events that have taken place in your past were more important than you initially perceived them to be. This may be the way you were treated as a child, the absence of a significant caregiver as you grew up, the significance of abuse that you suffered as a child. Blocking these things out is a very clever strategy when you are little. You can’t do anything about them because as a kid you are powerless. But it may be useful to allow yourself to feel the feelings associated with these events or relationships when you are an adult. As an adult you are able to look after yourself and have all the faculties to guarantee your own survival.

Stage 2 – Anger

Once you have accepted that the event in question did happen, or the relationship really was a poor one you may experience anger. This may vary from mild consistent annoyance to outright rage. It’s OK to feel angry. Chances are you feel that you should not have been put in that situation or the other party should have treated you better or looked after you in a much more loving way. It can be really useful to express this anger to a sympathetic friend or your therapist. I also advise you to avoid confronting the individual concerned about the issue at this stage of the grieving process. Sometimes it’s best to strike whilst the Iron is cold and you have had time to work it through and process your feelings. If it’s a loved one you have lost you may feel angry that they have left you (or died) or you may feel angry at yourself for not preventing it.

Stage 3 – Bargaining

Bargaining is when we attempt to rationalise the situation and work out how it can be avoided. You may start to think that you have somehow misinterpreted the situation or you are overplaying it. When faced with death, Kubler-Ross mentions individuals thinking how they can delay or cheat the final event.

Stage 4 – Sadness

At this point sadness may hit. As I said before, these stages won’t be clear cut and it’s very likely that you will have already experienced a great deal of sadness. It’s important to allow yourself to feel sad. What’s happening here is that you are processing the loss. Go with it, don’t try to push it away or distract yourself. It’s healthy and you will not feel sad forever.

Stage 5 – Acceptance

This is the point at which you will accept the loss you have experienced. You can now move on and form new relationships, get a new job or think of your deceased loved one without falling to pieces.

There is no set time period for these stages. You should not try to speed the process up or slow it down. Just accept it and you will come out the other side. From there you can move on.

If you think you would benefit from help and support from a counsellor, please call me on 07966 390857 or use my contact form to get in touch.

If you want to read my post on 5 ways of coping with grief, click here.