Manchester Psychotherapy

Counselling in Manchester

Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl

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Category: Psychology/Philosophy.
Target audience: General.
How challenging is it to read?:The first section straight forward, the section on logotherapy more challenging though not too technical.

It’s not often I read a book that brings tears to my eyes, but Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl did just that.  Frankl uses his experiences as a Jewish prisoner in Nazi concentration camps to illustrate his own branch of psychotherapy, which he terms Logotherapy.  He postulates that we humans need meaning in our lives to exist.  When meaning has gone we see little reason to stay alive any longer.  If we have a clear reason to live, something definite to live for, then we can survive regardless of what challenges are presented to us.  Frankl quotes Neitzsche;

“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.“

This quote reverberates throughout the book and illustrates the  essence of Logotherapy beautifully.   Frankl supports this theory by recounting fellow prisoners who lost their grip on what that meaning for them was. When these prisoners could find no meaning to their lives and no meaning to their suffering, many of them gave up the will to live.  In this passage, Frankl describes what often happened to these men:

“Usually it began with the prisoner refusing one morning to get dressed and wash or go out on the parade grounds.  No entreaties, no blows, no threats had any effect.  He just lay there, hardly moving.  If this crisis was brought about by an illness he refused to be taken to the sick-bay or to do anything to help himself.  He simply gave up.  There he remained, lying in his own excreta, and nothing bothered him any more.”  V. Frankl p82-83

So how are these horrendous experiences of  half a century ago relevant to us today and what can we learn from this book?  I believe there is true value in reading in detail what it was like to live in the Nazi death camps.  Frankl writes eloquently about the routines the prisoners had within the camp, the food shortages they had to endure and the punishing, seemingly endless work details the prisoners were sent on, and sometimes did not return from.  The descriptions genuinely and significantly moved me.  When Frankl describes the suffering and pain the prisoners experienced daily and the cruelty they withstood I feel shocked and deeply saddened that one group of humans could enforce such misery on another.  It’s important we don’t forget the depths that human beings can descend to and make sure that such abhorrences are never repeated again.

Frankl talks in his book about detaching himself from the misery of every day existence in the camps and using the experience as a kind of live experiment in human psychology.  Through this his life becomes more bearable and he learns much about human behaviour.

The second part of the book gives a summary of Logotherapy.  Frankl discusses the importance of meaning in our lives and states that when it is missing we exibit “existential frustration”.  This could be outwardly displayed by the prisoner in the death camp letting life slip out of him or the unemployed person slipping into deep depression.  Frankl recalls a client who had a high powered diplomatic position in the American government coming to see him because he felt discontented with life.  The diplomat had undergone five years of psychoanalysis with little improvement to his condition.  Frankl quickly deduced that the client was unhappy in his work and saw little point in it.  With encouragement from Frankl the client changed careers into a job that he really wanted to do and though much more poorly paid, remained contented for the five years Frankl stayed in touch with him.

The idea that life needs meaning in order to give contentment fits in with the philosophy of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy too.  In ACT the focus is on leading a values focused life rather than a goal focused one.  If we live by our values then we are rewarded with meaning continually.  We don’t have to wait until we have achieved a set goal in order to feel content.

I’m not sure “enjoyed” is a word I can use to describe how I felt about reading a book that details the events of the holocaust so vividly.  Life is not always about enjoying things.  The book reminded me of the atrocities that took place in the concentration camps and the lessons we could all learn from this.  This book was my first insight into logotherapy.  It explained it well and I can see the many links the modality has with my interests in Transactional Analysis and ACT.  I will be reading more on the subject I’m sure.

If you wish to have Transactional Analysis therapy in Manchester with me, please contact me using my form or phone me on 07966 390857

Racket Feelings And Stamp Collecting

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When the tough times hit do you find yourself having the same familiar response? Do you find yourself in the same situations and feeling the same negative feelings? In transactional analysis language, we call these old familiar feelings racket feelings. We can collect up these feelings and cash them in later for a prize. This is called “stamp collecting” in Transactional Analysis after the old loyalty scheme system of being given trading stamps when making a purchase at a shop (think Tesco club card in the 70’s!)

How do we learn our racket feelings?

In most families there are clear guidelines as to which feelings are OK and which are not. These “feeling rules” are spoken out loud by our parents or may be conveyed without a single word being spoken. Some common messages spoken directly to children are “stop crying”, “why are you sad, snap out of it”, “don’t shout in this house”. Messages are sent psychologically when feelings or emotions from a child invoke a negative response from a parent. For example, if Abby is always ignored when she is feeling sad, but given a lot of praise and attention when she is happy she is likely to learn to be happy and avoid sadness. It may be that as an adult in times of sadness she does not know how to access the genuine feeling and either feel something that feels safer and is less likely to get her rejected by her parents (such as anger) or she may decide to feel confused or numb.

Stamp collecting

So we learn as kids to favour certain feelings. As adults we tend to seek out opportunities to feel the same way. These feelings may not feel good but they feel very familiar, like that worn out old pair of smelly slippers that you really should have thrown out six months ago. If we can invite others to play games with us, if we can manipulate them and encourage them to hurt us, we get to re-experience these feelings and collect these feelings up to trade in later. Stamp collecting.

Cashing in your stamps

Are you one of those people that store things up and then let your partner or work colleague have it with both barrels when you can take no more? In TA terms we say you are trading in your stamps. Some people wait a couple of days to do this, others wait years. The aftermath can be anything from an argument with your boss to getting fired in spectacular fashion or bickering with your partner to full blown divorce.

Choose to do things differently

So how can you avoid rackets and collecting stamps? Firstly, it’s worth identifying those things you do or situations you find yourself in that result in the same old familiar negative feelings. Chances are you are indulging yourself in racket feelings and stamp collecting. Once you have identified what these situations are then it’s time to do something different. Make a change, make an Adult decision and behave in such a way as to take yourself out of the situation. The chances are you may well feel scared or anxious when you do this, you are opening yourself up to having genuine feelings. These feelings will not harm you and will pass. Talk to your friends or family about these feelings and if you can’t do that find a good counsellor that can support you through the change.

To avoid the stamp collecting it’s important to talk to those around you about what you are feeling and what you want to happen. If you are feeling fed up with your spouse because they did x,y or z then tell them and tell them what you want to happen instead. If you do this kindly and own your feelings then your partner may be able to help you out with it. If they are unwilling to help you out then at least you know that and can make choices accordingly.

Change takes time

I’m not pretending that this is easy to do and I would emphasize that working with a therapist or counsellor will help the process and allow you to manage your feelings better. I am convinced that we can all change our behaviour and we can choose to move away from the negative patterns we learnt as a child that are no longer appropriate as adults.

Why All Teachers Should Learn Transactional Analysis

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teachers should learn transactional analysisI am a lucky man because I work in two areas that I enjoy and find fascinating. These are the vocations of teaching and psychotherapy and I love it when they come together. This is lucky because they come together frequently. In fact they’re rarely apart. Teaching is about relationships. Psychotherapy is about relationships. They are made for each other.

There is an unfortunate trend in education over the last few years. We seem to have moved away from relationships and towards “measurable outcomes”. We can measure a child’s IQ, CAT score, SAT score, GCSE grade, AS level etc etc. but it’s pretty hard to put a number on how happy he or she is at school and whether he feels cared for, nurtured, respected, inspired or safe. My argument is that all of these things are essential before any learning can take place. Once they are secure then the child may fly. She can feel safe enough to have a go, make mistakes and learn that it’s OK. Then real learning begins.

Who inspired you?

Look back at the teachers you found inspiring at school. Were they the ones that marked your homework on time? Was it the way in which they set work for you that you remember? The thing that we remember about our special teachers is how they connected with us. How we felt when we were with them. I remember clearly how I felt with my English teacher when I was I kid. I felt valued, inspired and special and I loved going to English lessons. For most homework assignments I would do the minimum just to make sure I didn’t get into trouble (typical boy). For my English teacher I would write reams!

So what’s all this got to do with Transactional Analysis? In order for a child to learn anything within the classroom setting you need a good teacher to facilitate the process. Teaching is a demanding, stressful and high pressured vocation where the humanness of the teacher is often forgotten by all parties. This is regularly demonstrated by excited children running up to teachers during the school day to tell them “I saw you in Tescos”! Yep, teachers have to eat too! As teachers we often forget that we are human too and we are not our jobs. We take poor behaviour in our classrooms personally, feel stressed when we are being observed (mention Ofsted to a teacher and they tend to react as if they are to be visited by the grim reaper to have their very soul brought to judgment) and find it difficult to unwind in the long holidays we are endlessly lambasted for.

How can Transactional Analysis help teachers?

Transactional Analysis offers teachers a way of understanding what is happening on a social level within the classroom and within themselves. It provides a map, a framework to start hanging experiences on.

Here’s a list of a few features of transactional analysis and how they can be used by teachers;

  • Ego states – once understood, teachers can figure out what’s going on with their thinking, feeling and behaviour in the classroom and choose to respond rather than react.
  • Transactional Analysis Proper – teachers can use their knowledge of TA proper to keep irate children (and parents!) placated, cut dead unproductive conversations and make their points seem clear during lessons.
  • Strokes – the understanding of the stroke economy makes the poor behaviour of some children more comprehendible and encourages teachers to be positive in their classrooms as a method of behaviour management. I’ve done a lot of work with students explicitly discussing strokes and the stroke economy, they find it fascinating too!
  • Games – there are many games played out in the classroom including “Do Me Something”, Wooden Leg”, “If It Wasn’t For You” and “Now I’ve Got You, You S.O.B”. If teachers understand them they can avoid them or at least be aware when they enter into them and avoid the negative payoff for themselves (for example, that common feeling of hopelessness that teachers can feel, or feelings of anger) and for the students.
  • Scripts – understanding our own script helps us language why we wanted to be a teacher in the first place and gives us permission to pursue our vocation from a positive place.

My examples above barely scrape the surface of the uses of TA within teaching and there are many more aspects of TA such as the drama triangle, the OK corral, script matrix, discounting that are also very useful.

By learning Transactional Analysis a teacher can gain more insight to how human relationships tick. They can make more sense of the behaviour they see around them and put it into a wider context. Transactional Analysis provides a language to explain why certain classroom management techniques are going to be more effective than others and gives permission for the teacher to retain humanness in the face of adversity.

Transactional Analysis brings greater awareness into the classroom and with this comes options and the possibility of doing things differently.