Manchester Psychotherapy

Counselling in Manchester

  • Home
  • Individuals
  • Couples
  • About Me
  • Blog
  • Blog Index
  • FAQs and Fees
  • Contact Me

How to Reduce Your Public Speaking Anxiety

31/01/2012 By Ian Tomlinson

public speaking anxietyPublic speaking anxiety is a real problem.  This is a guest post written by Ryan Rivera, I strongly recommend you check out his website at www.calmclinic.com.  Ryan Rivera suffered from severe anxiety, and public speaking only made it worse. He shares tips on reducing all anxiety on his site. As public speaking is one of the most anxiety generating activities we undertake, I thought it would be a great to let Ryan, an expert in anxiety, talk through his strategies.  Don’t forget, Manchester Psychotherapy can help you with your anxiety too.

Back in my youth, it wasn’t just public speaking that caused me anxiety. I had anxiety sitting in a chair doing nothing, occupied by nothing by my own thoughts. So when it came to public speaking, it was more than just anxiety. It was terror. Public speaking was like standing in front of a firing squad, except I wanted them to fire so the entire experience would be over.

So it’s no wonder that when I started to combat my anxiety, one of the hardest fears to overcome was public speaking. It’s everyone’s fear, and it’s arguably one of the most problematic social phobias that exist in the world today.

What to Do to Reduce Your Public Speaking Anxiety

There’s some good news, and some bad news. The good news is that the best methods to reduce anxiety are relatively easy to understand. The bad news is that they are harder for people to implement, and often take time and dedication in order to reduce them completely.

Before the Big Day

  • Practice

I’m almost embarrassed to list this one, but let’s be honest, how much do you REALLY practice? Do you read your notecards one or two times? Do you practice one or two times all the way through the speech? I, myself, would read through the entire speech with an audience of someone I trust three times, and consider that a victory. But why three? That number is completely arbitrary. You can always practice more, and if you’re concerned about being nervous, you should. The more you practice, the more comfortable you’ll be with the entire speech, and the easier it will be for you to find your place if you get nervous/lost.

  • Relaxation Strategies

My personal favorite thing to do before a speech is to integrate relaxation strategies. I remember I had to give this large speech in front of an audience of potential clients for a project I was working on, and a few days before the speech began I started to feel unspeakably nervous. So I decided to integrate my relaxation techniques. My own personal techniques were to use autogenic training and deep breathing (two well-known relaxation strategies). Both take only a few minutes. I also found skipping stones to be soothing, so I head to a nearby park to skip stones. There are plenty of pre-made relaxation strategies, but if you find something that relaxes you (that is healthy for your mind and body), you should use it.

  • Sleep Well

Physical anxiety can actually lead to real anxiety. I’ve done a good job controlling my anxiety over the course of my life, but if I don’t get a full night’s sleep, it still comes back once in a while. Always make sure you’re sleeping well before a big speech or presentation.

The Day of the Speech

One of the things I’ve found most interesting is that on the day of any presentation I almost always woke up feeling completely alert. It was like my body wanted me to be ready for the big day. But then, as usual, the fear started to creep in.

On the day of the speech, the best thing you can do is prepare everything you need. Make sure you’ve set up your physical space, and that all of the papers you need are in place. You should also eat a healthy meal, make sure you’ve had enough water, and continue any relaxation exercises you can complete as you prepare for the speech. The big day is already there, so the key is trying to avoid allowing the anxiety to increase its intensity too strongly.

During the Speech

Here’s a handy little tip I learned from two different public speaking appearances – always start strong. Public speaking involves a lot of rhythm, so you need to make sure you start your speech loud and clear. My tendency when I was suffering from more anxiety was to start quietly and hope I felt more comfortable over time. That never works. Start loud, like you’re ready to deliver the speech and you’re more likely to get into the rhythm.

After the Speech

For those with fear of public speaking, the biggest problem isn’t always before the speech – it’s after. You spend the next hour going over every “um” and trying to re-imagine the faces in the audience to see how bored or annoyed they were. But these types of negative thoughts only contribute to public speaking anxiety, and not only are they not helpful – they’re often not true, and had no effect on your speech.

So rather than focus on anything negative about your speech, take out a piece of paper and write about all of the things you went well. It doesn’t matter if you cried on stage from the fright – chances are there are aspects of the presentation you did very well, and you should focus on those, since in the long term those are the only aspects of public speaking that are important.

Also, continue to address any additional anxiety you have, especially if you have an anxiety disorder. I know that my anxiety outside of public speaking drastically influenced my public speaking anxiety, so in a way, combatting my everyday anxiety was contributing to my ability to speak.

Becoming a Great Public Speaker with low public speaking anxiety

You can’t expect to be a great public speaker overnight. But you can use the above tools to make public speaking easier and, over time, you’ll find that you no longer experience much public speaking anxiety at all.

 

Filed Under: Self Help Techniques Tagged With: anxiety

Tips On Dealing With Anxiety

12/07/2011 By Ian Tomlinson

www.studio10salonsuites.comtips on dealing with anxietyTomorrow never comes, yet we wait until tomorrow for happiness, fulfillment, intimacy and closeness.  How many times have you said something like “when my anxiety reduces a bit I’ll make more effort with my partner” or “when I feel less stressed I’ll stop smoking/drinking/shouting” (insert as appropriate)?  But tomorrow never comes.  The problem with “when” statements is that they usually tie up your goal so tightly that you never reach it, a bit like one of those big balls of sticky tape that are impossible to unwrap.

The truth is that you can have feelings and take action that has value in your life and moves you closer to your goal.  You can feel anxious and make effort with your partner and you can feel stressed and live a cigarette free life.

Now here’s the rub, this may well generate anxious thoughts for you (I guess you could see that one coming!).  Anxious thoughts are OK if we recognise them for what they are, just thoughts.  They are not truths and they are not us.  Thoughts tend to come and go.  They are a bit like the annoying pigeons that hang out around my flat.  I can watch them come and go and mostly they don’t bother me.  Sometimes they will try to climb into my windows and sometimes they wake me up at 5am making an almighty dinn, but they are essentially harmless.  I can choose to let them bother me, shake my fists when they stare at me through the windows, or I can simply acknowledge their existence and carry on with whatever I’m doing.  The defusion technique I previously blogged about is a great way to do this distancing with your thoughts (read that post here).  The benefit of this way of living is that you get to do things that move you towards your goal and learn to make room for your feelings.  After you’ve done this a few times you get better at it.  As you get better at it you start to feel more contented with life and need to do it less.  It’s kind of like accepting your anxiety, stress, sadness or anger allows it to move somehow and slowly ebb away.

So this is a call to action.  Decide what you want out of life and plan how you are going to get it.  Then look at all of the anxious, scary, angry or downright irrational thoughts your mind is churning up, thank your mind for trying to protect you, and get stuck in with achieving them!

I help people who suffer from anxiety in my counselling practice in Manchester.  Ring 07966 390857 for an appointment.

Filed Under: Self Help Techniques Tagged With: clinical psychology, closeness, dealing with anxiety, emotions, human development, psychology, stress, symptoms

Anger Management – The Theory

06/07/2011 By Ian Tomlinson

anger management the theoryAnger as an emotion has had a great deal of bad press through the years. It’s one of those emotions that people shy away from and never really use to describe anyone in a positive light. Anger is, however, just another emotion. It can be very useful to us in certain circumstances. We all know and have had very memorable experiences of the “fight or flight” response that kicks in when we are under threat. Anger in those circumstances can really save our bacon. Anger also gives us the energy to change things when we are just not happy. We might need that rush of adrenaline and that “sod this, I’m going to sort it out!” kick up the backside to pull us out of unproductive situations. Why then if anger is so good, do we need anger management methods?

Like all things, when you have too much of something it can make you sick. Too much anger can……

  • destroy relationships
  • cause us to be judgmental and intolerant of others
  • get us into conflict, verbal and physical, with others
  • react in an out of proportion manner to situations
  • compromise our immune system which leads to us getting poorly more often and for longer
  • give us a banging headache
  • Result in us withdrawing from others and maybe physically harming ourselves

Having taught in schools for many years I’ve seen a lot of angry boys. And I mean a lot! I have also taught girls who have incredible difficulty managing their anger and can out anger any lad with ease. Anger is not by any means limited to males but there is no doubt in my mind that it is one of the safest emotions to express as a male around other people. I was almost tempted to write “around other males” in the last sentence but unfortunately females are complicitous in the promotion of anger in males too. My experience working with eleven to sixteen year olds is that an angry boy is seen as acceptable and kind of cool in a scary way and an angry girl is seen as slightly mad!

This gives a first clue as to where all of this anger comes from and brings us on to the Transactional Analysis concept of racket feelings.

Ian Stewart and Vann Joines book “TA Today” has a very clear definition of what a racket feeling is, they define it as;

“A familiar emotion, learned and encouraged in childhood, experienced in many different stress situations, and maladaptive as an adult means of problem solving”. (page209)

So how do certain emotions get encouraged in childhood? Let’s take little Johnny (could be little Jane too). When Johnny falls over at the age of five he cries. His mum tells him to pick himself up and carry on paying little attention. When he feels scared of going to school for the first time he gets told to “pull himself together” and not be so silly. When he plays happily with his brother he is largely ignored by his parents. When he kicks off, screams and shouts and starts throwing his toys around the room he suddenly gets a lot of attention. Multiply this by the 1825 days little Johnny has had these indirect messages from his parents and I’m sure you begin to see my point. Angry = attention.

With a racket feeling in place, it becomes difficult for us to access the authentic feeling we are really having. Back to Johnny (bless him). As an adult when Johnny feels scared he is going to be made redundant from his job he can’t do scared very well because he has not had much practise. It’s much easier to feel angry, so without even thinking about it that’s where he goes emotionally. Result = he gives his boss a mouthful and gets the sack.

When he feels sad that his relationship has broken down he’s not sure how to do sad either so he easily switches to anger. Result = he feels furious at the situation and punches a wall, breaking his hand in the process.

But how do we know whether a feeling is a racket or genuine? As I said at the beginning of my post, anger can be useful and is just as valid as any other emotion, so when does Johnny know when his anger is a racket and when it’s authentic? Here’s some ways you can tell:

  • Racket feelings come from a not OK place
  • Racket feelings don’t solve the problem
  • Racket feelings come from the Child ego state
  • Racket feelings involve a discount

“All very interesting,” I hear you say, “but how do I sort out my anger issues?” You can seek out a properly trained counsellor who can guide and support you with your anger issues. I see clients with anger issues regularly and use a step by step approach to helping with anger. But you don’t have to go to a counsellor –  Read my self help plan here and get your life back.

If you are interested in coming on my anger management course please click this link to read more about it or phone me on 07966 390857.

Filed Under: Self Help Techniques Tagged With: anger, anger management, angry, angry girls, psychotherapy, transactional analysis

Next Page »

Categories

  • Book Review
  • Couples Counselling
  • Discussion
  • Individual Counselling
  • Self Help Techniques
  • Transactional Analysis