Manchester Psychotherapy

Counselling in Manchester

Facebook, Twitter and the Stroke Bonanza

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facebook logoI have just rejoined Facebook again after a long time away and along with Twitter and LinkedIn it’s having a surprising effect on me. Lots of smiles!  As a naturally private individual I have thought long and hard about joining the plethora of people already involved with social media sites. Over the past few months though I have made a conscious decision to get out there and connect with more people.

There’s much debate about the ethics of participating on social media sites as a psychotherapist.  The International Transactional Analysis Association (ITAA) group on LinkedIn have been discussing this for the past few weeks and the topic has seen a range of opinions put forward on the morality of it all.

There is no doubt though that social media sites cannot be ignored.  According to social media experts Brian Halligan and Dharmesh Shah, there are more than 200 million active users of Facebook with half of them logging on every day.  Its fastest-growing demographic of people are those in the 35 years and older category. So why are they so popular?

in TA terms Social media sites provide a constant and pretty endless source of strokes.  Eric Berne, the founder of Transactional Analysis defined a stroke simply as “a unit of recognition”.

Here’s some facts about strokes:

  • Strokes can be physical, e.g. a pat on the back, or verbal, a quick “hello” or a lengthy conversation.
  • Strokes can be conditional; “When you clean your room I think you’re fantastic”, or unconditional; “you’re fantastic”.
  • Strokes can be positive “you’re great” or negative; “you stink”.

As social animals humans crave strokes.  We will pretty much do anything for them.  If we can’t get positive strokes then negative ones will do.  For most of us, the only thing worse than being treated badly is being completely ignored.  This explains why solitary confinement is the worst punishment a prisoner can be subjected to and why children who receive no praise quickly find that behaving badly gets them attention.

Both my LinkedIn and Facebook accounts are now regularly churning out positive strokes for me and I love it!  It’s great to make contact daily with people I’ve known for years and I also love contributing ideas to discussions on LinkedIn and engaging with people I know less well. I’m finding the exchange of ideas thought provoking and can see how social media sites, with their groups and fan clubs, provide instant communities and a feeling of belonging.

In an age when real community is on the wain and relationships suffer as a result of our busy lives, social media sites can provide a stroke fix that can be a benefit to us all.  I’m pretty sure that most people are sensible enough to realise that face to face relationships are also very important and should be valued and nurtured and that can be done if people use social media sites sensibly.  In fact I would argue that sites like Facebook and LinkedIn, if used well, can enhance our face to face relationships as we communicate with our friends more frequently online.  I also acknowledge that e-safety and boundary issues do raise their heads when using social media sites, maybe this is where common sense needs to come into play?

Join me on Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.

What do you think about this post?  Please leave a comment if you have read it.  It doesn’t have to be super intellectual, even a “Hi!” would be great!

If you are looking for therapy in Manchester give me a ring on 07966 390857

TA Today by Ian Stewart and Vann Joines

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Category: TA Psychotherapy.
Target audience: TA novice – expert.
How challenging is it to read? Most of it accessible – some bits for more experienced TA practitioners.

Clients often ask me to recommend one book they can read to increase their Transactional Analysis knowledge when I work with them delivering therapy.  TA today is that book.  It has been the standard text book of Transactional Analysis trainees now for many years, mainly because it is well written, comprehensive and understandable.  There are parts of the book that are targeted at the more advanced practitioner but if you don’t understand those sections straight away they will open up to you as you become more knowledgeable.  The book includes exercises at the end of each section to engage the reader, but there are no answers anywhere so you determine the correct answers by reading the book.  Most of the exercises are self reflective anyway, so only you know the correct answer!  This in not exactly a bed time reading book (though as a TA geek I have often treated it as such) due to its text book like density, but what it lacks in entertainment factor it makes up in thoroughness.

I’m not going to go into the contents of the book here because it would require me to list all of the major ideas and concepts contained within TA.  Suffice to say that they are all in there!  Some could argue that the book is starting to show its age too, it was written in 1987, but as it is a basics book I don’t think that matters.

One question that comes up now and again is why this book is a better read for those new to Transactional Analysis than  Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy by Eric Berne (the Author of Games People Play)? After all, it was Berne who founded TA.  The answer is two fold.  Firstly, TA has moved on and developed since Berne.  There are many other important contributors to the theory since Eric laid the foundations and all of these extras are included in TA Today.  Secondly, Berne’s books are far from straight forward to read, maybe with the exception of  Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships.   The others can be dense and certainly not recommended for the casual peruser!  I like to look on them as personal challenges, a bit like climbers may view Mount Snowden (they are not quite in Everest territory).

So if it’s Transactional Analysis basics your after, TA Today : A New Introduction to Transactional Analysis is a great starting point, a comfortable meander over rolling hills maybe?

If you’ve enjoyed this review, or disagree in any way, please comment below.

Buy the book:  TA Today : A New Introduction to Transactional Analysis Click on the (affiliate) link to be taken straight to amazon.  This will get you the right edition of the book instantly!

Transactional Analysis Core Principles

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transactional analysis core principlesTransactional Analysis is one way of understanding human personality. It was the brainchild of Eric Berne who trained as a psychoanalyst but became disillusioned with the methods he was expected to follow and wanted a more equal approach to the therapist/client relationship.

There are three basic philosophical assumptions in Transactional Analysis:

1) People are OK. This roles off the Tongue easily but I think it’s important to examine what this means. This is the fundamental acceptance that regardless of what you do, no matter what you think, or despite your feelings you are a worthwhile, valuable person in your own right. You are special. Everyone is special. We are all as important as each other. How amazing is that as a first principle?!  This principle carries itself directly into the theraputic relationship between therapist and client.  We are both equal.  We share the responsibility of cure.  To make sure that both therapist and client are sure of what their goal is, TA therapists work with contracts – a clear written down agreement between both parties stating the goal of the therapy taking place.

2) We can all think. If we have all got the capacity to think then we have all got the capacity to work out what we want and work out how to get there. The therapists job is to support and guide you in this task but you do not need anyone else to decide for you. You know what’s best for you.  For many clients entering therapy it may not feel this way when they start.  Some feel confused and unsure and are looking for the therapist to tell them what to do.  The therapist will work with the client on clearing this confusion.  It’s a bit like wiping condensation off a mirror so we can see ourselves once more.

3) People decide their own destiny and have the power to change these decisions at any time. If we got to where we are today because of the decisions that we made then it’s within our power to change these decisions. We can be who we want to be and achieve our goals if that’s what we choose to do.  I’m not suggesting that this is always easy.  Small changes may start the process and build up to larger changes when it feels safe.  It’s about getting around the barriers to change together.  Sometimes they need kicking down, sometimes we go round them and sometimes we realise that although they look like they are there, when we examine them up close, they are not there at all!

If you would like to have transactional analysis therapy in Manchester with me, use my contact form above or ring me on 07966 390857.