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Male Therapists in Decline – And Why This Matters

11/06/2011 By Ian Tomlinson

Male therapist - An endangered species!

A recent newspaper article in the New York Times entitled “Need Therapy, A Good Man Is Hard to Find” confirmed for me what I had already observed informally over the years I have worked as a male therapist in Manchester. Us blokes are rare in this field. Whenever I go to a therapy workshop or have any training I like to carry out a survey of male/female ratios (I’m funny that way!). It usually works out to be somewhere around 30% men. So for every one hundred therapists only 30 of them will be men (by my completely unscientific calculations).

The article from the NY Times has an even smaller amount of men in the therapy field in the USA than this. It states that only 20% of all of the Masters degrees awarded in Psychology in the states are awarded to men. In the states only 10% of the members of the American Counseling Association are men. These figures highlight the seriousness of the situation and wake us up to the feminisation of the mental health professions.

Why Male Therapists Matter

So why does it matter? Who cares if there are so few male therapists around? Well, the answer to that has to be men. Men care. There is something about having access to a male therapist when you are a man that is important (and no doubt the same is true of female therapists for women). As a male therapist it will come as no surprise to anyone that I have a high percentage of male clients. Over the years I have been told by clients that I was chosen as a therapist because it just felt easier to talk about the issue they were bringing to another man, a woman may not “get it” in the same way, or it may have been too embarrassing to talk about to a woman.

Mens issues in therapy

The NY Times article also states that men find it much easier to talk about certain issues with a man. These issues include fatherhood, anger management, affairs and sex. A common topic for male clients over the time I have worked as a therapist has been what it is to be a man. What does that mean in a society where gender roles are increasingly disappearing and empowerment of women is paramount.

I’m not saying for a minute that all men seek a male therapist, many happily work with female therapists and, as argued in the Times article “a good therapist is a good therapist” regardless of their gender.
Some women, too, prefer male therapists. My female clients through the years have either chosen me because they wanted a man, or they just thought I was the therapist for them out of the hundreds listed under counselling in Manchester on Google and my gender was irrelevant.

Counselling is important for men

Men are the least likely of the sexes to go into therapy. This is something I have blogged about before and I very much want to change. Men, especially British men with their “stiff upper lip” approach to life, can be reluctant to seek help when they need it. This is true of physical illness, and even worse for mental illness. This makes access to male therapists for men even more important. If the only way in which a man is willing to seek help is to speak to another man then we have a duty to make sure they have that option.

What do you think? Does the gender of your therapist make a difference to you? Are you a therapist with something to say about this blog post? Please comment under the post below and let me know your views.

Filed Under: Discussion Tagged With: counselling, men, men's issues

Keep Calm And Carry On

23/04/2011 By Ian Tomlinson

keep calm and carry onI was seriously tempted not to write a post today. It would be the first time for a year that I would have missed publishing a post at the weekend. I thought about ditching the post because I have a tonne of other stuff to do and many other stresses to contend with. I thought “who would actually notice if I just skipped one week?” The answer I came back with was – ME. I would notice! I have set myself a challenge to write one post a week and I am determined to keep it up, so read on for a bit of an explanation!

There are various work related stresses that have arisen over the past couple of weeks. I guess as I have become more successful then there have been more demands on my time and an increase in tasks that are difficult to put off or avoid completely. Coupled with that, a serious family illness in my family has really knocked me for six and left me confused and scared about the future. I am now slowly getting my head around this. So I thought it was about time I took some of my own advice. What would I say to a client who was in my situation? Probably the following;

  • Feel your feelings, do not bottle them up. Cry if you want to cry and feel the sadness, it’s healthy.
  • Talk about things to your loved ones and your friends. A problem shared is a problem halved.
  • Go easy on yourself. Give yourself time to indulge and look after that Child that is within us all.
  • Realise that feelings take time to work themselves through. There are no quick fixes.
  • Get out and do things when you feel you are really struggling.
  • Exercise is a great way to pick yourself up. The natural endorphins help improve mood.

Ok, I admit that I haven’t done the exercise thing, but the rest of the list has been followed and I feel that I can manage and I will be OK.

The situation did get me thinking about how we British deal with stress and anxiety. That message “keep calm and carry on”, the stiff upper lip, is embedded into our culture and does serve a purpose at times. It has allowed me to get on with working and do what I have to do despite my sad feelings. I also believe, however, that it needs to be balanced with permission to feel our feelings when the space and time is right. This may be at home or in the company of supportive friends or your counsellor.

As for the anxious feelings, well I was very impressed with Russell Brand’s response when Piers Morgan asked him whether he will make mistakes in the future (as he seems to have the ability to do in his own inimitable way). Brand’s reply was “I don’t have to worry about that right now, all I have to deal with is you sitting in front of me”.

“The past is history, the future a mystery, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called “the present”” (Kung Fu Panda)

Image: Suat Eman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Filed Under: Discussion Tagged With: anxiety, emotions, sadness

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