Manchester Psychotherapy

Counselling in Manchester

Counselling Stockport

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counselling StockportCounselling Stockport

It’s been a while since I have written a blog post and so I thought it might be useful to bring things up to date on what’s going on with me providing counselling Stockport.  I hope this helps those who are unsure of who I am or how counselling or therapy can help them.  In this post I also want to answer the most common questions I get asked about the counselling process.  Please email me using my contact form if you have any questions I do not answer in this post.

Who am I?

My name is Ian Tomlinson and I am a counsellor in Stockport.  I have run Manchester Psychotherapy for the last four years and enjoy being a therapist immensely.  I also work part time as a teacher in Secondary Education and feel that this fits very well with my role as a therapist.

Both jobs are about relationships, both jobs are about bringing the best out in people and both jobs require empathy, kindness and a good sense of humour.  It’s pretty common for therapists to work part time and this may well be something to do with the solitary nature of the job.  Full time therapists have the potential to be on their own a lot and need to plan strategies to deal with this.

For me, I have a close group of colleagues that I work with on a daily basis and around seven hundred little people that are very happy to “keep things real” for me!

Counselling Stockport For Individuals

My Practice is currently about 50% individuals work and 50% couples work.  I tend to work with people over a long period of time but I have worked with clients for as little as eight weeks and they have experienced massive change and not needed to come to therapy after that.

I guess this answers a commonly asked question, “how long will I need to be in therapy for?”  The answer is often “as long as you need to be”.

I have found with my own therapy that sometimes I am in the right place for it and it helps enormously and at other times I feel that I have taken what I need from it and it is time to stop.  You will know when the time to stop is right for you.

There are occasions where I will suggest to a client that they are ready to stop coming.  When we have worked effectively and made the changes set out in the therapeutic contract then it could be time to give therapy a rest for a bit and recalibrate.

What issues do I work with when providing counselling Stockport?

Again, this is another common quesiton from people who are interested in coming for counselling in Stockport with me.  I have dealt with a whole spectrum of issues, from depression, stress, anxiety, gender identity, anger management issues, jealousy and other’s I have probably forgotten to put in the list!

Often what a client comes with and what we end up talking about are very different.  This is because our stresses and strains can manifest themselves in a multitude of ways.

Men’s issues

I do spend a lot of time working with men and men’s issues.  Many men find talking to a counsellor challenging in itself, so to be able to talk to a male therapist takes some of the anxiety away.  I have blogged extensively about how rubbish us men can be at dealing with emotional issues and unfortunately it does cost us dearly.  Suicide rates amongst young adult males are the highest out of all other groups and the prison population is over 90% male.  The sooner we are able to learn that the most powerful men are those that can deal with their emotions effectively, the better.

I regularly work with sexual minority clients too.  Gay men and lesbians form a significant percentage of my client base and I am a gay affirmative therapist.  This means that I will never question an individuals sexuality and see gay and straight as normal as each other (what is normal anyway?).  I have a good understanding of issues faced by the LGBT community and am used to dealing with these.  It may be that sometimes, as a straight man myself, I need information from my clients to help me with understanding the finer details of an issue or situation, but I find I learn from all my clients and this is one of the most enjoyable parts of being a therapist for me.

How to start

So if you were to want to come to my counselling Stockport service then what should you do?  Firstly get in contact by ringing me on 07966 390857 or email me using my contact form.  From there we will have an initial meeting and I will ask you what brings you into therapy and how you think I can help you.  You will have an opportunity to ask me any questions you have about who I am or how I work and I will talk through the business contract and ask you a few standard intake questions (name, address, doctors address – the usual therapy stuff).

From there we will go on a journey together.  I won’t be telling you what to do or what to think but I may challenge negative beliefs you have had for years or give alternative ways of doing things.

With some clients I will be very structured and provide a clear framework, others require time to explore what’s going on for them and time to reflect.

Take a leap of faith – it may change your life.

Going to a counsellor or therapist in Stockport can require serious bravery.  I can remember skulking around the front door of my first therapist, not sure of what I would find but with a deep need to talk to someone about things that were going on for me that were causing me great anxiety.  I could see myself repeating the same negative patterns in my life and I was fed up of shooting myself in the foot.

Therapy changed my life.  It gave me a new way of seeing the events that had taken place and a new way or relating to the most important people in my life.  The counselling I had made such an impression that I got interested in the subject and here I am, nearly twenty years later, helping others change their lives.

So take a leap of faith, give me a ring on 07966 390857 and make an appointment.  I get that you may be nervous and I can assure you that I will look after you throughout the process.

How has counselling made a difference to your life?

If you are reading this post having experienced counselling please comment below and let me know how it made a difference to you.  What was the key moment for you?  What would you say to others who are unsure about picking up the phone and making an appointment?

If you have any questions about me and the counselling Stockport service please get in touch and I will get back to you qucikly.

 

How to Reduce Your Public Speaking Anxiety

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public speaking anxietyPublic speaking anxiety is a real problem.  This is a guest post written by Ryan Rivera, I strongly recommend you check out his website at www.calmclinic.com.  Ryan Rivera suffered from severe anxiety, and public speaking only made it worse. He shares tips on reducing all anxiety on his site. As public speaking is one of the most anxiety generating activities we undertake, I thought it would be a great to let Ryan, an expert in anxiety, talk through his strategies.  Don’t forget, Manchester Psychotherapy can help you with your anxiety too.

Back in my youth, it wasn’t just public speaking that caused me anxiety. I had anxiety sitting in a chair doing nothing, occupied by nothing by my own thoughts. So when it came to public speaking, it was more than just anxiety. It was terror. Public speaking was like standing in front of a firing squad, except I wanted them to fire so the entire experience would be over.

So it’s no wonder that when I started to combat my anxiety, one of the hardest fears to overcome was public speaking. It’s everyone’s fear, and it’s arguably one of the most problematic social phobias that exist in the world today.

What to Do to Reduce Your Public Speaking Anxiety

There’s some good news, and some bad news. The good news is that the best methods to reduce anxiety are relatively easy to understand. The bad news is that they are harder for people to implement, and often take time and dedication in order to reduce them completely.

Before the Big Day

  • Practice

I’m almost embarrassed to list this one, but let’s be honest, how much do you REALLY practice? Do you read your notecards one or two times? Do you practice one or two times all the way through the speech? I, myself, would read through the entire speech with an audience of someone I trust three times, and consider that a victory. But why three? That number is completely arbitrary. You can always practice more, and if you’re concerned about being nervous, you should. The more you practice, the more comfortable you’ll be with the entire speech, and the easier it will be for you to find your place if you get nervous/lost.

  • Relaxation Strategies

My personal favorite thing to do before a speech is to integrate relaxation strategies. I remember I had to give this large speech in front of an audience of potential clients for a project I was working on, and a few days before the speech began I started to feel unspeakably nervous. So I decided to integrate my relaxation techniques. My own personal techniques were to use autogenic training and deep breathing (two well-known relaxation strategies). Both take only a few minutes. I also found skipping stones to be soothing, so I head to a nearby park to skip stones. There are plenty of pre-made relaxation strategies, but if you find something that relaxes you (that is healthy for your mind and body), you should use it.

  • Sleep Well

Physical anxiety can actually lead to real anxiety. I’ve done a good job controlling my anxiety over the course of my life, but if I don’t get a full night’s sleep, it still comes back once in a while. Always make sure you’re sleeping well before a big speech or presentation.

The Day of the Speech

One of the things I’ve found most interesting is that on the day of any presentation I almost always woke up feeling completely alert. It was like my body wanted me to be ready for the big day. But then, as usual, the fear started to creep in.

On the day of the speech, the best thing you can do is prepare everything you need. Make sure you’ve set up your physical space, and that all of the papers you need are in place. You should also eat a healthy meal, make sure you’ve had enough water, and continue any relaxation exercises you can complete as you prepare for the speech. The big day is already there, so the key is trying to avoid allowing the anxiety to increase its intensity too strongly.

During the Speech

Here’s a handy little tip I learned from two different public speaking appearances – always start strong. Public speaking involves a lot of rhythm, so you need to make sure you start your speech loud and clear. My tendency when I was suffering from more anxiety was to start quietly and hope I felt more comfortable over time. That never works. Start loud, like you’re ready to deliver the speech and you’re more likely to get into the rhythm.

After the Speech

For those with fear of public speaking, the biggest problem isn’t always before the speech – it’s after. You spend the next hour going over every “um” and trying to re-imagine the faces in the audience to see how bored or annoyed they were. But these types of negative thoughts only contribute to public speaking anxiety, and not only are they not helpful – they’re often not true, and had no effect on your speech.

So rather than focus on anything negative about your speech, take out a piece of paper and write about all of the things you went well. It doesn’t matter if you cried on stage from the fright – chances are there are aspects of the presentation you did very well, and you should focus on those, since in the long term those are the only aspects of public speaking that are important.

Also, continue to address any additional anxiety you have, especially if you have an anxiety disorder. I know that my anxiety outside of public speaking drastically influenced my public speaking anxiety, so in a way, combatting my everyday anxiety was contributing to my ability to speak.

Becoming a Great Public Speaker with low public speaking anxiety

You can’t expect to be a great public speaker overnight. But you can use the above tools to make public speaking easier and, over time, you’ll find that you no longer experience much public speaking anxiety at all.

 

Time To Change

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time to changeYou have probably seen the latest government ”time to change” campaign to end discrimination that people who have mental health issues face in the workplace and in society in general. I say “the latest campaign”, but that suggests there have been others. If there have I’m afraid they passed by me unnoticed.

I’ve been a therapist now for some time and I’ve always thought we in the UK have had a bad attitude to mental health issues. The general “stiff upper lip” approach has been accepted as the norm in most areas of British Society. Unfortunately, this has led to people finding it difficult to get over the stigma of seeking help for mental health issues and suffering in silence, in some cases, for decades.

Our poor attitude to mental health.

If you fell over and broke your leg then you would take yourself to the hospital and receive medical attention, probably have a cast on for a while and then be right as rain. Can you imagine if you applied the same attitude that is shown to mental health issues like depression or stress to this physical condition?

“You don’t need to go to the hospital with that broken leg, pull yourself together – you’ll be alright in a few days!” or
“I can’t believe he has taken time off work just because his foot is facing the wrong direction. We’ve all had leg problems and most of us just get on with it.”

It sounds ridiculous when you apply it to such a physical ailment and it would be unbelievable for anyone to comment in such a way, so why do we do that with mental health issues?

Time To Change

I guess this is exactly what the “Time To Change” campaign is asking and I think, slowly, attitudes to mental health issues are changing for the better. I find it fascinating that when people discover that I’m a therapist, many of them “come out” as having had therapy themselves. Most of them tell me what a life saver it was for them and feel that it was an important part of their lives.

I find it interesting that the same people are a great deal more reluctant to discuss this with family or friends, and mentioning it to their work colleagues is an out and out no no.

Do Men Suffer Most?

Out of the two sexes I think men suffer from this problem the most. Us men have this idea that we need to “be strong”, especially around other men. Being seen to need help and support with mental health issues is tantamount to cashing in your masculinity for a frilly skirt and high heels. How badly we get things wrong at times!

I love Claude Steiner’s idea in “The Other Side of Power” that to be in touch with your feelings and to be able to express them appropriately is what makes us all truly powerful. To be able to seek help when we need it whether it’s for a broken leg, depression or stress is one important way we can look after ourselves. And it’s only by looking after ourselves that we can look after others. A fully functioning healthy adult is much more capable at serving loved one’s needs than someone with their own internal battles going on.

Time to Change Our Attitude To Mental Health

I fully support the governments “Time To Change” campaign. I would encourage all those (like me) who have had help with mental health issues to “come out” and talk about it openly. It’s time to change. Let’s start to break down this limiting belief that needing support for our mental health issues is some sign of weakness, because in my opinion, it’s the opposite. Those that have the presence of mind and the self-belief to do this are the strong ones. It’s time to change.